Why Consider a Therapeutic Boarding School or Residential Program?
If you are at the place that if you don’t act your child will continue to spiral out of control, and they could possibly come to harm, get pregnant, or have a lifelong struggle with an addiction, then you might want to consider placing them in a therapeutic program. One statement we hear from parents over and over is this: “If I hadn't acted, I think he/she would have been dead by now”. The kids say it, too, when they get on the other side of it. It’s a harsh reality to send a child off to be cared for elsewhere by strangers. But that reality pales in comparison when you consider the possibility outcomes of your child’s current behavior and how such behavior could ruin his or her life. What you are doing is giving him or her a reality check. You are loving them in a way that perhaps you haven’t loved them before. It’s tough...it's tough love. But it could save your child and your family.
When a child is out of control, being disrespectful, disobedient, running away, or in trouble with the school or the law; and has moved to a point where you’re finding that you might not "like" your child too much right now, please take care the way that you respond. Because the way that you respond to all that is happening within your family may elevate the problems, and cause you or your child to over-react. Here are some things to remember while you go through this strenuous time with your child.
Best Christian Therapeutic Boarding Schools and Programs
Christian Therapeutic Boarding Schools - Boys (click on any link below for more info) Promise Village Agape Boarding School Shepherds Hill Academy (coed wilderness pgm) Arivaca Boys Ranch Teen Challenge Ranch Promise Village Safe Harbor Academy Vero Beach Boys Ranch Gateway Military Academy Prayer Mountain Academy
Christian Therapeutic Boarding Schools - Girls (click on any link below for more info)
Columbus School for Girls Lakeland Grace Academy Shepherds Hill Academy (coed) Wings of Faith Academy Boise Girls Academy |
First, act out of love, not anger.
One of the greatest disappointments that a parent may have is watching their child ignore and violate all they have been taught. Because of parent’s good longings for their child, it’s easy to become disappointed, discouraged, and downright angry at a child who is choosing to do some things that are against everything a family stands for. It’s okay to be upset, just don’t act out of that anger.
Take a breath. Let the situation “sink in.” And don’t go with your first reaction (whatver that may be). Don’t let your child’s problem now create new ones from the way your react. So, take a break and get some perspective. You might even want to go away for a few days with your spouse to talk it through (even as hard as it is to get away when your child is acting the way he/she is).
Second, don’t allow things to get physical.
When things gets hot in a discussion, break off and wait for it to cool. When it steams toward aggression, take a break. Defend yourself, and even get the law invoved if it gets physical, but don’t strike out. Use physical restraint when your child is in imminent danger of harming hiumself, but don’t intentionally inflict a blow (you could end up in jail). Anything physical has a way of damaging your relationship with your child to the point that you will never regain what you have just lost. So make the decision right now that you will never allow yourself to get to the point of becoming physical. And if you don’t think that you can keep yourself from that, get help. The sheriff or police should be called and don't hesitate to have your child arrested for physical aggression toward you, other family members, or your property. Don't ever allow your teen to get physical, or to make outright threats against your safety. We all know the horror stories of kids who gave in to those threats and carried them out.
Thirdly, don’t ignore what is happening in your family, hoping that it will just go away, nor think that the problems will disappear when your child turns 18.
When it comes to outright dangerous behavior, it will likely not lessen over time, it will only get worse. Don't stick your head in the sand and expect anyone else to solve the problem for you. Get wise counsel, but don't allow it to linger on, for it will only get worse, especially if the child thinks you are intimidated by them or that they and can get their own way. Remember, when your teen reaches 18, or even 17 in some states, you will no longer have the ability to put them in a program against their will. So, time is of the essence to get them help now.
And fourthly, understand that after a few months things will get better, if you act now.
Whenever we struggle with a child, it’s never at the right time. It usually shows its ugly head when other problems are popping up in the family (separation, new job, moving to a new city, death in the family). How you handle the struggle, respond, and behave in the midst, will sometimes determine how long you’ll be in the struggle. Through it all, you can get help for your teen while still maintaining and even bettering your relationship. Your child will be upset for a time that you placed him or her in a program, but that generally flips after 90 days and you'll begin having a stronger relationship than you have ever had before (your teen will actually talk to you, and will have a handle on how they hurt you and the family).
One last very important thought...be sure to pick a program that places as much emphasis on your relationship with your child as about correcting your child's thinking and behavior. Without a strong and building relationship with you, your teen will flounder when they return home and all that has been gained will be lost. The goal should be to bring the family together, not just "fix" the teenager.